Recently, Gladney’s Director of International Advocacy/Bulgaria Program, Sarah Hansen, MSW, was invited to be a guest on the Creating a Family podcast. In this episode, Sarah joined host Tracy Whitney and fellow guest Simi Riesner, Executive Director of Mazi Adoption and Family Services, to explore the unique joys and challenges of older child adoption.
With more than 20 years of experience in the field of adoption, and as an adoptive parent herself, Sarah brings both professional expertise and lived perspective to the conversation. Her passion has always been advocating for children who wait the longest to find families, particularly older children who are often overlooked.
Why Older Child Adoption Matters
In both international and foster care adoption, children over the age of five wait significantly longer for adoptive families. These are the very children Sarah has spent her career championing. She explains that in international adoption, the greatest need is for kids ages eight and up. Families often hesitate because of fear or misconceptions about tweens and teens, but these kids still need stability, connection, and love.
Awareness is critical because every child deserves permanency. Preparing families to meet the needs of older children can make adoption a more realistic option for parents who may have never considered it before.
Common Challenges Families Encounter
During the discussion, Sarah and Simi outlined the most common challenges parents may face when adopting an older child. These include:
- Lying or stealing
- Regression of skills like sleep, toileting, or communication
- Acting out physically or sexually
- Lagging social skills
- Sibling rivalry or difficulty adjusting to family life
But as Sarah reminded listeners, these behaviors are not signs of a “bad child.” They are often trauma responses. She shares that kids thrive on predictability and routine. When life changes, it’s natural for stress to rise until a new rhythm is established.
Understanding that behaviors are rooted in grief, loss, trauma, or even prenatal exposure helps parents respond with empathy and patience instead of fear.
Building Trust and Felt Safety
Sarah emphasized practical, everyday strategies families can use to build trust with their newly adopted child. A few of the most important include:
- Connection over correction. Spend consistent one-on-one time daily, even when it’s hard.
- Offer choices. After losing control over so much of their lives, kids need opportunities to make decisions, even in small ways.
- Choose your battles. Focus on safety and connection instead of rigid rules.
- Prepare supports in advance. Set up therapeutic services, school resources, and routines before a child comes home.
Her advice to parents was simple but profound: connection work is some of the most important work you can be doing.
Impact on the Whole Family
The episode also highlighted how older child adoption impacts siblings and the family system. Sarah encouraged parents to prepare resident children for shifts in routines and expectations. She also spoke about the importance of nourishing marriages, co-parenting relationships, and self-care. She encourages families to remember to nourish all their relationships, even while they focus on this new one.
About the Guests and the Podcast
- Sarah Hansen, MSW: Director of International Advocacy/Bulgaria Program, Gladney Center for Adoption. Sarah has over two decades of adoption experience and is an adoptive parent to an older child from Thailand.
- Simi Riesner, MSW, LSW: Executive Director of Mazi Adoption and Family Services. A licensed social worker, foster parent, and adult adoptee, she advocates for transparency and sibling connections.
Creating a Family is a national nonprofit dedicated to supporting adoptive, foster, and kinship families. Their twice-weekly podcast is ranked among the top parenting and child welfare shows, offering expert voices and lived experiences that help families thrive.
Listen Now
This conversation is an invaluable resource for anyone considering older child adoption or supporting families who are.
